- Objects that provoke you to ask things about the unknown.
- Objects that signify or question a path unknown to you.
Process of self-definition:
- Things that I am certain of
- Things that I am uncertain of.
- Is there uncertainty in the certain things and vice-versa.
Things that I am certain about myself.
Things that I am uncertain about myself.
Is there an uncertainty in the certain things?
- INDEPENDENT
- Spontaneous
- Trustworthy
What’s uncertain about being Independent?
- Loneliness
- Lack of familial affection
- Occasional helplessness.
What’s uncertain about being spontaneous?
- Impulsive
- Risk
- Addictive
What’s uncertain about being trustworthy?
- Easily manipulative
- Betrayal
Key areas for uncertainty:
1.Kink shaming:
Kink-shaming is the act of making someone feel less than or problematic for their sexual desires. [1]
Now, let’s question as to why this happens to a person?
1.1Lack of knowledge
To quote Elyssa Rice in an article from Psychology Today, “In 1886, when Psychopathia Sexualis, the groundbreaking yet profoundly problematic work of Richard von Krafft-Ebing was published, the pathologizing of sexual behavior took off. It was not only that he “opposed homosexuality and fetishism but [he] linked them to genetic degeneration” and believed that “those who took part in unapproved sexual activities were said to be born “degenerate” and [were] to pass the bad seed on to their children” (Shorter, 2014).”[2]
To quote Zachary Philips, “The point I am trying to make is that all people play differently. Even those who don’t identify as ‘kinky’ and who the mainstream would consider ‘normal’ or ‘vanilla’.”[3]
1.2Taboo
This topic is particularly taboo because because of cultural connotations and also vitiation of the word vitiation of the world in the mediaeval era though church control, the lifestyles of people and biblically pleasure was considered forbidden and that a lot of a lot of proof about the church controlling the positions of people in which they procreate and thus the limitation of and development of mindset as to what is concerned, normal slowly embedded into our society.
Considering the activities of both secular and ecclesiastical courts, it demonstrate that sexual behaviour was strictly regulated even before the Reformation: the courts concerned themselves not only with prostitution and clerical celibacy, but also with pre- and extra-marital sexual activities of the wider population.Considering the activities of both,activities of the wider population.[4]
1.3Association with alt lifestyle.
Kink is widely associated with alternative lifestyle because of its unusual characteristics as to what is considered normal by society and by a person and modern society has deemed anything unusual as something alter and while there is some mainstream acceptance for mainstream Kings other Kings and fetishes which are more deep and intense tend to still be associated with an alternative lifestyle, which can which can harm the self confidence of a particular person.
1.3Association with being non-religious
The association with being non-religious would come from a perspective of other of certain things which would require a third-party in a couple, talking about premarital sex or a different way of looking at it would be about a married couple where one partner is into a particular kink, but the other partner is not and they come to a compromise where they are willing to, whether one partner is willing to let the other partner play with another person who is into it and this would be deemed as an extramarital affair which is also considered to be non-religious or abnormal, whereas for the couple it might not be an extramarital affair.
1.4Slut shaming and kink-shaming sometimes go hand-in-hand.
In a lot of instances, people assume someone’s a “slut” or “loose”, and the fact that someone is willing to let someone do “unusual” stuff to them shows that they don’t have morals and are willing to let anyone give them pleasure. [5]
2.Stage fear:
2.1Judgement
The fear of the audience of the person they’re performing for is going to judge me, leads to a higher level of anxiety and panic which prevents me from either participating or from performing as it is. Self-judgement can also play a role in this anxiety wherein when I judge my rehearsals or performance as not good enough and therefore it leads to me not performing on the stage or infant of a group of people.
2.2Perfectionism
Need to be perfect can be a major factor in rising anxiety as the need for a performance to be flawless is required to be loved by the audience, can lead to excessive rehearsal and this excessive rehearsal might sometimes cause under confidence in myself and the under confidence leads to more practice to feel confident and this cycle continues and I feel like I’m not perfect as it is.
2.3Fear of messing up
In terms of classical dance/singing/piano, the minute mistakes are very visible to someone with a basic knowledge of the art, since dance and music are a form of storytelling and minute mistakes cause a change in the meaning and flow of the performance and hence the fear of messing up is quite high when coupled with the need to be perfect.
2.4Anxiety
As someone with general overthinking or anxiety or anyone in general would have a rush of hormones right before a performance which might cause them to feel extra anxious than the usual.
“Anxiety related to being judged negatively is believed to mount in persons who are in evaluative situations in which failure is a possibility. Thus individuals are forced by their fear of failure to work very hard at succeeding at the task before them or to try to avoid confronting the task altogether.”
“In some performers for whom performance anxiety becomes repeatedly and predictably debilitating , career alienation and abandonment might actually be the adaptive, practical and face-saving solution.” [6]
3.Body image issues:
3.1Ideal body standards
Ideal body standards have been ever-changing and people are required to keep up with it in order to “fit in” and be “desirable”, without realising that different bodies are normal. Ideal body standards would also include beauty standards about what is considered “beautiful” or “handsome”, and how one has to fit those standards to be considered “beautiful’’ or ‘’handsome’’, even though things have changed and we’re more accepting of various body, hair types, we still have to learn to embrace the imperfections within ourselves
3.2Sizing in clothes
Clothing sizes vary from brand to brand and size to size and this causes women to feel negatively about their body, when their sizes increase in another brand or if they’re in a bigger size than the compared beauty standards and this leads to negative self-image and impacts mental health.
“Many women identify themselves by their clothes size (Grogan, 2008; Lee & Sontag, 2010) and may be unhappy at having to buy clothes of a larger size than usual (Grogan, 2008). Although social commentators have lobbied against the idealisation of very slender bodies in the media since the 1970s, there remains significant socio- cultural pressure on women to be slender (Frith, 2012; Tiggemann & Andrew, 2012). Objectification theory (Fredrickson & Roberts, 1997) suggests that women objectify their bodies, habitually check- ing their appearance for perceived flaws, and monitoring clothes fit may be one way that women judge their bodies in terms of size and shape.”[7]
3.3Socially accepted norms as to how one should age
There are various social norms as to how one should age or look and dress at a particular age, for example, women above 50 shouldn’t wear body-fitted clothes and younger women should wear makeup, but not too much makeup since a lot of makeup makes one look fake.
3.4Social media influence
With the rise of social media and the age of influencers in all realms, social media unconsciously dictates what we do and how we dress and what we should look like, and we tend to follow celebrity clothing, skincare and fitness and then these small changes impact the way we look at ourselves, making us think that our clothes aren’t nice enough, skin isn’t flawless or our fitness routine isn’t good enough.
3.5Bullying
Bullying someone because they’re too skinny or chubby or any other aspect can impact their mental health and self-esteem and make them feel under confident.
3.6Eating disorders.
The issues arising from being judged or trying to fit in can result in eating disorders such as anorexia, bulimia etc. which in turn affects one’s health and so on and a cycle is formed.
4.Morning after pill:
4.1Stigma around unmarried pregnancy
The main molecule of the morning after pill is an abortifacient and may be closely aligned with abortion and one may be a ‘bad woman’ and the context is similar to abortion seekers.
“Rather than any faith-based rationale, discomfort was linked to interrupting the ‘possibility’ of pregnancy whether pregnancy was desired or otherwise.’’[8]
4.2Casual sex and Hookup culturE
With the rise in casual sex and hookup culture in the current generation and the spontaneous nature of various activities and the acceptance of casual sex, one-night stand and friends with benefits, and with younger people wanting to explore their sexuality, there are high possibilities of risks even with contraception and hence the morning after pill is associated with the norm that someone takes part in this culture.
4.3Behaviour surrounding family planning:
This pill is also associated with the reduction in women going through painful abortions, and gives a much easier way to avoid pregnancy with comparatively less side effects as compared to abortion, and is much more readily available, so it lets people take control of their family and help them plan better.
4.4Body rights
The pill is given to women who specifically go and ask for it, which is a step-up in body rights and helps one take control of their body and what they go through.
4.5Female contraception v/s male contraception.
There are more contraceptives available for women than for men, so why are women expected to take pills to prevent pregnancies, rather than men and there are no new developments for contraceptions for men other than condoms.
4.6 Questions concerning abuse.
Abuse surviviors may use the pill to prevent the consequences of said abuse and it’s an easier way to prevent unwanted pregnancies, and helps them cope with mechanisms.
Reflection:
All of the above topics are something which come from personal experiences which provoke thoughts about various social issues and perception of one’s behaviour. All of the themes suggest a broader theme of body rights, empowerment and overcoming judgement. The theme that sits on a much more personal level would be kink-shaming since, even though a lot of kinks have been made popular and normalised by media and pop culture, a lot of kinks and fetishes remain stigmatised and tabooed, and hence prevents people from exploring their desires, and even if they do, they might be shamed by their friends or family for it, but we have a few people who actually enable us to explore further about ourselves, and this action is called “kink enabling” which would be the opposite of kink shaming and this contrast is something that is fascinating to look at, since both kink shaming and enabling occur at a society level but the impact is on an individual level, and the polarity of the psychological and social effect it can have on one’s life is astounding. Maybe we could dive a little deeper into kink-enabling and explore the end of the spectrum and understand the psychological and social impact of it and the contrast in both!
References
1.HypeBae, Sex and Dating, Jan 2022
2.Psychology Today: Kink Shaming: How Did We Get Here? Aug.24.2020
3.Zachary Philips: Your kinks are valid. Yes, even ‘That’ kink
4.Carnal Knowledge: Regulating Sex in England, 1470-1600 by Katherine Harvey
5.Affirmation, compartmentalization, and isolation: narratives of identity sentiment among kinky people: Sam D Hughes.
6.Performance Anxiety and the Performing Musician: A Fear of Failure or a Fear of Success?:
Julie Jaffee Nagel
7.Dress fit and body image: A thematic analysis of women’s accounts during and after trying on dresses: Sarah Grogana,
8.Qualitative findings about stigma as a barrier to contraception use: the case of Emergency Hormonal Contraception in Britain and implications for future contraceptive interventions