‘How can we create a safe space to enable healthy exploration?’
9/6
For the Dragon’s Den, I developed a flow chart to convey my process methodology and what I am doing with my project, and what I realised is that I am essentially trying to induce a sense of exploration in a safe manner
My virtual chat with Dana, gave me some ideas on the same, in terms of what she uses in her practice and how I could incorporate some of those in my workshops, and maybe collaborate with her in developing a few workshops, and incorporate some elements.
In addition, to this I have been various research into “overcoming shame” and how people have used different methods and mediums, until now, I have read mediums of photography, dance and movement, and also drama and some interesting methodologies which were used and how people have reacted to it.
20/6
Today, I went to a social event by a kink club, which I felt is a sort of safe space for people to explore and play, although this one did not have a play room, it gave a sort of insight into how people when they get comfortable really behave, most of the walls had a poster which said ‘DO NOT TOUCH OTHERS UNLESS YOU HAVE EXPLICIT PERMISSION. JUST DO NOT.’ Which I thought is quite nice and reassuring, and there were also trained bouncers other than the venue bouncers keeping an eye out for people misbehaving which is always good and reflective of standards. Talking to a few club members, who have mentioned that they feel safe walking around completely naked at the main events was quite nice to hear. Most people seemed to have a lot of experience in the space, since everyone was respectful of personal boundaries and didn’t also pry too deep into questioning about one’s kink history, which I think depicts the culture of the place in general, rather than a person being uncomfortable. I think this social was more personal to me than for my project or work-related, somehow I felt like I fit in.
Last night I was talking to a person on fetlife, and talking about our work, and I mentioned about my project, they sort of gave some useful insights about where to find stakeholders and what I’m doing right or wrong:
“Yeah and if you ask people who are already at munchies it means they already to some degree and a quote on quote safespace as they are at munchies it’s import to ask the people that dont feel comfortable, and find out why and what things can help them to explore more too”
“I think going to munchies is usually something that happens later on In kink discovery unless you are a massive extrovert or you have pre established connections”
So, I think this gives me a new perspective on where I might find people who’re in need of such spaces, and I might have to look a little deeper into that and I am trying to reflect on my own journey of discovery, and see if I can find some places where people might need it and want to consider, or maybe do a post and have people respond to it and analyse some common patterns.
Personal reflection on my journey:
As an adolescent, I knew that I liked bondage and being versatile, but had zero clue about bdsm or kink, but I knew I definitely liked it in porn, as a fantasy etc., when I got older and watched more porn, I realised it came under the category of bdsm, and then when I looked it up on the internet, I did not really like what I saw and dismissed it and thought that what I was feeling was weird and abnormal, but later on I watched fifty shades of grey and it re-triggered certain feelings in me and I was older now to certainly understand and do some better research about what I was interested in, and while reading erotica or dark romance novels it also helped me see different things to explore or do, at this point I was pretty active with partners but online, and in real life with a few, but they did not want to do anything “rough” and most of the relationships faded or turned into friendships due to the trust and communication built over the process, and later when I was more equipped to understand different terms better, and also meeting people online and gaining knowledge from them, whilst also being explorative with my partner, who was open to exploring, I had learnt a lot about different kinks, and also different roles, and how to negotiate play and scenes as well as how to incorporate it into different relationship dynamics, and it was a big learning curve for me personally. In my undergrad as a leather goods design student, I was given a project to choose a particular sector and develop a product line and seasonal collection as a part of my final submission, and no two students can have the same sector, and this is where my interest in kink/fetish fashion began professionally, and through the same research my knowledge about kink/bdsm has increased, as a person and it’s applications as a designer and enjoying the process as an artist.Here I learnt the somewhat technical terms, and the psychology and emotions behind each of the kinks or fetishes I incorporated in my work which was fuelled by both personal experience as well as research, and with this as well as personal interaction with various people and partners enhanced my skills of non-verbal communication and understanding dynamics and pre-scene communication and negotiation.
This journey of mine, captures the ups and downs which motivated me to do this project, and it also something which resonates with a lot of people who maybe similar to me, and here I see a pattern where my knowledge started to build as I met more people.
In addition to this, I have sent out mails to kickstart my series of 4 workshops as interventions, I have a small group of 4 people, which was not my initial aim of 10, but I have to start somewhere and hopefully this group expands over time.
The following text was sent to inform and also receive consent on various things which have not been mentioned in the sign-up sheet:
“Thanks for participating in my project, and today we’ll finally be kickstarting the series of workshops. I hope you’re as stoked as I am haha.
A little brief about what we’ll be doing:
- A series of 4 workshops in the next 3 months (one in every 2 weeks, all online) for 60-90 mins each approximately (can’t promise how long it might take)
- Each workshop aims to use different methods to navigate doubt/shame/internal conflict and reach the exploratory stage.
- Constructive feedback from you, the audience is required and highly appreciated, as this feedback after every workshop helps me design the next one better.
- I would encourage you to use the tools from the workshop in your everyday lives, and share how you’ve used them, and whether they were helpful or not.
- 3-5 days before the next workshop, I will send out a mail about the workshop and timings for the same, and a suggested list of tools I’d like you to keep at hand (mostly basic stationery and some sheets or notebook)
Workshops might be recorded for research purposes, and will not be presented anywhere but are purely to analyse and evaluate. Recordings will be deleted 1 year post-completion (kindly inform me, if you’re uncomfortable doing so.)
Also, please suggest a date between 27/6-29/6 and a time frame that works for you.
(Please note: the time and date which works for the majority will be considered)
Please revert back any questions you might have.
I am looking forward to working with you.’’
24/6
Last week, when I was talking to a friend, he had mentioned that he also wanted to go to some socials/munches and I was like maybe a club might be too overwhelming if you have no proper knowledge of kink and fetishes, and I asked him if he wanted to be a part of my project, so as to get a little comfortable, and he decided to particpate, and personally I’m a little excited that I’ve reached my minimum goal of 5 participants, small wins as they come.
Post-this conversation, I have started to analyse some of the techniques in the papers related to ‘overcoming shame’ and I noticed that a lot of the methodologies related talking and hearing perspectives, as well as art and poetry and performance which when one reflects upon brings out a lot of subconscious emotions, and in a group setting we’re willing to talk about it and unlock different themes and patterns and where these insecurities/anxiety/self-doubt might be coming from and so on, and to relate this to the design process, was a little challenging and made me absolutely bonkers but I knew there was a certain relationship to it and I started writing everything down, and I was able to design the first workshop.
I might want to go two different ways, with trying to see what an expert would think about it, or how I would feel doing it myself, but as previously mentioned by a stakeholder, I am not someone who’s in the self-doubt stage of being sexually explorative, but in some aspects I might be, which is not a bad way to test, but maybe not the most effective, but I might do both anyway.
Today, as I was walking around SOHO, I found this little space called ‘Self space’ which is an organisation where they do walk-in therapy sessions which is kinda helpful, and I had a little chat with their receptionist and it was interesting to look at their website, and see their work, and I am hoping to get in touch with them soon and talk.
26/6
With the response of my focus group, I am starting to feel a little nervous and excited about the workshops. Yesterday, one of my participants who also happens to be a close friend told me they were attending the pride parade in their city and hence don’t know if they could make it, and also asked me why I was doing the workshops in groups, and I was a little confused and couldn’t answer because right now I am testing out that groups build a community feeling and contribute to lower self-doubt due to the reason that, ‘we feel seen and heard’, and this also why I have approached a participatory methodology, to establish a sense of agency and understanding.
This caught me a little off-guard, but I think being able to answer questions to my stakeholders’ is important to make them feel seen and heard.
A friend of mine told me about a social next week which is a workshop by a sex educator and someone I follow and know, and this seems like a good opportunity to see real-life workshops by experts and talk to them and be able to compare and contrast.