With the research done in EPP, I am continuing on the same pathway and I have expanded into trying to create a safe space for people who’ve experienced kink-shaming, and this branches into understanding the community, and what their idea of a safe space, but with technology, I aim for a physical-digital hybrid. For this I decided to take a leap of faith and check out any events where I can interact with members, and understand what their safespace is, and since I am also into the lifestyle, maybe not as active as someone would expect me to be, but I’s still identify my sexual behaviour as kinky.
I went to a munch which is meant for people Under25 in North London. Prior to going I put up a post on the group’s page that I am open to talking to people about this and no one really approached me though about it, but they weren’t too surprised either. I was much more comfortable in this compared to the previous one and there was a mix of people from the queer community too, and I had anticipated the intersectionality so I was not surprised, but I did see a representation of South Asian and Asian too, and disabled people which warmed me to see people being open and welcoming, which made me understand that these people felt safe here, and I interacted with people and asked them what they do in their daily lives, and when I mentioned my research they seemed surprised, but one of them also told me that the owner of the restaurant is also in the scene and hence most of the nice/decent/safe munches are held here, since she’s forthcoming and understanding about this stuff, and I thought to myself I should talk to her the next time I go there, since it’s a monthly thing, but they had mentioned that the owner and the staff know what is happening and how to handle the situation and that some of them are in the scene themselves, which makes it a safe space for the people to interact, and this one person I talked to, when I asked for feedback said they didn’t know what it would look like, so he wouldn’t comment on it, but overall I’d say I’m going to look and find similar events and other places like clubs to talk to people, but I feel like I haven’t narrowed my target age group which would be helpful and more targeted.
In terms of intervention, I am thinking of a sort of get together at a place where people can talk about their experiences. I am trying to find a group of participants and collaborate with a group of qualified professionals, until such a time where I have had suitable training to handle such complex and sensitive topics in a professional manner. In terms of receiving training, I have contacted an expert who uses conflict and self-love as a method of communication, and I’m hoping to learn if similar techniques can be applied to people who’ve experienced shame about their sexual preferences and desires.
I am also looking into in-depth methodologies in designing research as well as collection, analysis and evaluation of data to be able to better design my interventions and also have better basis for reflections.
I have weighed the pros and cons about having a set group of participants, because in terms of developing a safe space within marginalised and vulnerable communities, it is important to give space and time for the stakeholders to become more comfortable and trust the researcher themselves, and this trust and comfort can become an important factor in gathering better data, but I may be wrong? Definitely no harm in trying to work with a set group and gathering data.
The psychologist I had interviewed for my EPP project seems interested in collaborating, which should be interesting and something I am looking forward to.
22/5
Today, I spoke to the psychologist who also happens to do community spaces alongside her work, and she did mention that I have a lot of decisions regarding ethics, purpose, community dynamics, events, activities and workshops to consider and with these in mind, I should proceed.
I spoke to a guest lecturer who talked about conflict, and I personally think going through kink-shaming where we deny some parts of ourselves or even second guess it is a conflict in it’s nature and this conflict if not resolved can have a ripple effect.
At this stage, I am looking for participants and I did get a few useful tips on how to proceed and do this esp. with complete transparency without coming off strong or bossy or even selfish.
I am also doing background and secondary research into safe spaces, and what sort of activities can I do to enable and empower a person and this is something I should get to quicker.
I might develop a mind-map of sorts to help me further with decision-making and outline my goals and purposes, maybe what I am doing right now, which is focusing on the methodology seems excessive and time-consuming and I should just start doing, I feel like in trying to structure something I am complicating my own situation and that isn’t helping me too much and isn’t progress. I am going to the London U25 munch this month and I hope to give out flyers and pamphlets about my project, to sort of see who would sign up, I am aiming for 15-20 participants, but I am also open to having more, and should I place an upper limit on people who can sign-up, maybe I could do something like 18-40, or should I leave it open? I have to think about what this does to the project and the participant group as a whole. My current criteria/parameters are:
- Based in London
- Has to be 18+
- Have an experience where they felt problematic about their sexual desires and kinks.
- Can commit to participating for the next 7 months.
- Wishes to empower themselves and find a sense of community.
I am going to explore various techniques or activities which might help me develop a workshop and build a sense of community, and also the guidelines and boundaries I would set up in this space, which I think is foremost and important.
Making choices on who’re my stakeholders, what I expect from them and them from me and vice-versa is key at this stage, because otherwise I have no clarity in how to proceed and I’ve been running in circles.
I might use the munch to sort of see if I can find participants and also talk to the owner of the pub and get them to see if I can put up a poster there, and I’m also trying to see if I can go to a kink club to do some informal interviews and I should probably develop a method for doing these in a club-like environment.
In terms of reading, I’ve been reading a book on conducting social research, I think I should just skim through and read the important bits and implement them if required, and also start thinking about various other methods.
24/5
I have a couple of questions I need to answer straight for myself, and for the sake of pitch and presentation to stakeholders and experts:
- Who is this space for? People who’ve been made to feel problematic about their sexual preferences and desires within the kink community.
- Where are they based? These are people in London and Greater London
- What do they want from this space? (I’m hoping that they expect this) to feel empowered, learn more about themselves, have a sense of belonging and community.
- What do I give in this space? Tools, exercises and narratives to instil positivity and enable a person to explore their desires.
- What is the culture in the space? These rules and boundaries are something I’m still working on.
Additionally, I have been looking at kink clubs to be able to conduct informal interviews and also looking at developing forms and poster for sign-ups for participant group, which should have information pertaining to question 5., for this I might have to do some more reading into the culture developed in these spaces and how it worked.
27/5
Currently, I am reading a couple of books to help me form a basis on ‘safe spaces’ in a kink space and one of them is titled, ‘Methods, Sex and Madness’ and it talks about social research methodology, and also methodologies and theories in sex research over the years, and how the assumptions and personal biases played a role in these theories, and with our understanding and perception of such topics. Different methodologies of surveys, interviews and also sampling techniques are explained in detail, which is where I was introduced to Kinsey’s method of research and how they used ‘snowballing sampling’ which I shall incorporate in trying to find participants, and also I’m looking to develop a set of exercises in different techniques to help empower the participants and look for creative methods of data collection rather than surveys, questionnaires etc.
In terms of exercises, I am confused between two approaches of participatory design or design and testing, although both have their own pros and cons, I have read research in parallel areas such as queer minorities, ethnic, migrant groups where participatory design has also proven to establish a greater sense of agency and power as compared to design-and-testing, especially in studies where there’s a set participant group similar to the approach I will be taking.
In another book, titled ‘Kink and Everyday Life: Interdisciplinary Reflections on Practice and Portrayal’, has different views on how BDSM, kink and fetish interact in different spaces such as the gay community, cultures which have faced war/communism as well as how BDSM can be used as an intervention for social change in hookup culture.
I am also going to look at structuring the space based off the reflections on 24/5, before beginning to look for participants, and also work on a pitch for collaborations with experts and stakeholders. At this point, I am very curious to test my assumptions on myself before sharing it with stakeholders and experts, but I also know I am the researcher and the bias is going to be there, but if I were to put myself in the shoes of a participant, I might not be very keen on participating in a project such as this myself, but mostly because I do not know this person who is conducting the said research, and I would not want to disclose my vulnerabilities to them, and hence I should approach my participants the way I would want someone to approach me, which is a little tricky but I should try roleplaying it.
In conclusion, I would say I have taken the step to make the harder decisions and act upon it instead of being scared of them, and this is one further step to the “action” I need to take for the “change” I want to see, and I must acknowledge this is quite a new feeling, but I personally feel empowered as a person who identifies as kinky, and every step I take is defining my position in the scene as well as in academia, and striking the balance is a hard nail to hit, nevertheless we do fail and learn from it, and I am open to failure at this stage, and also open to celebrating small successes.